I’ve officially signed a contract and scheduled not one but two opportunities for my work to be featured on a very big platform.
A platform I myself am a member of. A platform with reach far beyond anything I have had before. A platform filled with other teachers who are impressive and by pretty much every standard of today, way more “famous” than me.
I have struggled a bit with believing it is actually happening.
Part of me is genuinely intimidated that my name, face, and work will be beside these incredible people. And I will admit a significant part of my brain has been busy “preparing” me for my work to eventually not be posted, for them to change their mind, and telling me I shouldn’t say anything yet and definitely shouldn’t get too excited.
Good thing I live and breathe and walk out the work I teach.
All of this is simply my brain’s protection from harm, hurt, and the worst case. Because our brains hate feeling vulnerable, even when, maybe especially when, it involves something so exciting that we have worked so hard for and know that we deserve.
I also know that when this stuff lives in our heads in the dark, it only festers and grows. So I will not live here. Because that only feeds the dark.
At the same time, the dark doesn’t become less dark by denying it.
It is overcome by light.
So, I will speak this hard thing and move forward with what I know to be true.
I have worked very hard for a long time. I am very, very good at what I do. And this opportunity came because someone with influence saw the potential in me and in the work I teach, and saw it very, very quickly.
What is true is that God created me to live and teach this work, to exude healing to others, to see their wholly and holy muchness, and to mother them into their own restoration.
So today, all that self-doubt, comparison, and catastrophizing? Speak it. Just for a moment. Then let it fall to the ground, because it is not serving you and it is actively preventing you from walking forward in who you are, unapologetically.
And I promise you, it is that walk that will change the world for the better.
Not the other stuff.