Today I am giving myself permission to be pissed at God and life. Yep, I’m mad.
Just this morning alone, these are what I’ve received in my text messages,
comments on posts, and dms from some of the people closest to me and in my online community…
I’m dead inside.
I’ve never been so tired.
I think I actually hate people.
I’m tapped out.
I can’t keep going.
I am hanging on by a thread.
I’m giving myself permission to be angry
because it is in the space of feeling it
that I can turn to God and ask the hard questions I have….
What the eff are you doing?
Where are you?
How long are you going to watch your children suffer?
How much more can we take?
I ask these questions through the lens of knowing the answers through truth,
even though they are kind of beyond annoying nonspecific answers like…
I am God; you are not.
I am making things anew, right, and good.
I never feel my faith more than in the space that exists
between the anger and questioning AND the faith and trust.
It’s in this space that I feel the dark AND keep my eyes open enough for the light.
Maybe it isn’t a God thing for you.
How do you keep the light when the dark feels like so much freaking dark?
Can we keep our eyes open to the light today?
Can we help one another seek it, see it, and feel it?
What is good in this shit dark for you today?
How are you seeing light? How have you felt God?
The light doesn’t deny how dark it feels right now;
it simply helps it suck just a little bit less.
So I’m asking, can we show up for one another today?
Comment below some light.
The sunshine beaming through my windows
Chiro and acupuncture today
Friends who trust me with their dark
Friends who sit beside me in mine
A hot shower
My car seat warmer