It has been a week where I needed to take my power back/give the middle finger
to the establishment/focus on what little is in my control/feel empowered
even if only through a tiny gesture and a giggle, so here I give you my underwear
that I did not hide away or neatly fold up at my yearly exam
before my nurse practitioner examined my vagina, ovaries, uterus, and breasts.
First, we use proper terms here,
it’s leftover from teaching Human Sexuality at community college,
plus vagina and breasts aren’t bad or dirty words.
Second, admittedly I was feeling extra sensitive
due to where the nurse’s finger
fell on the stupid and not always accurate
for all BMI chart with my weight,
plus medical trauma is real.
Third, I wonder what other rules about what we should do
or how we should be us women have internalized
that only keep us in shame,
feeling small, and like we are the ones doing something wrong.
So yesterday, yes, I took some of my power back
by not believing that my super soft beige bikini briefs by @wearlively were so shameful
that they had to be hidden away from medical professionals.
I also advocated for my health choices.
Did I fix all that is wrong with the world
with these two things?
Did I stand up for myself, my truth,
and feel a little more empowered on the other side of it?
May we take our power back,
no matter how small, every day.
Even if only in wearing or showing the world
our comfy beige bikini briefs.
Which for the record,
may not be the sexiest in some definitions,
except to me, especially in this brutal-ass season of my life,
comfort which leads to feeling some semblance of okay
in this ravaged by chronic pain body is sexy to me.