One of the toughest stories we allow to be spoken over us that many of us, unfortunately, agree to and speak over ourselves, in, through, and after the infertility journey.
For me, it came with not having a long list of abbreviations of tests, treatments, and procedures. It came with choosing to stop treatments after only a couple of rounds and without the paid-for result of babies. It came with choosing to end the pursuit of kids to grieve and accept our childless life. A choice I was told is the saddest and most tragic way to end the infertility journey. Hell, some even dare to say to me it’s the selfish choice too. And finally, I bought into the never-enough story society has forced on women who don’t have kids.
Except it is enough. I’m enough.
Always fucking have been.
You are too, no matter your story.
We stopped treatments because we had reached our enoughs and everythings. Because I couldn’t grieve another child. Because the money was long gone, and the debt was not worth it. Because we weren’t willing to sacrifice more of our marriage and ourselves to a dream that never had great odds to come true and actually doesn’t always guarantee the true happy ending that is advertised.
We stopped before it stole everything good from us.
We grieved – a lot.
It hurt like hell, and some days still does.
And we will always wonder who they would have been and who we would have been.
Most of all, though, we created a life we absolutely love.
We did the work to grieve separately and together and to remember why we chose each other to do this life with.
We work to create family and legacy in lots of different ways that count and matter too.
We tell our story because maybe it will shine the way out of the dark for someone else.
Some of us don’t get the miracle baby.
Some of us they still will call tragic.
I call us happy, thankful, and worthy.
All of us deserve to do the work to receive our healing, no matter how our journey ends up.
Do the work.
Receive your healing.