The Overwhelming Unknowns
There will always be some unknowns in our lives at any given time. Life is unpredictable and people are complicated and despite our demand to be in control of everything, it just isn’t up to us. There seem to be a lot of unknowns in my personal life right now, as it also seems to be a theme for a lot of my clients too. What I am finding is that if we aren’t careful these unknowns can pull us under into overwhelmed darkness.
What are some of your unknowns?
Where to go to graduate school? Whether or not to get sober? How long is this injury going to last? Will I ever recover? Does this ever get easier? Will it sell? Will I get published? Can I trust him/her/it? Will he get better? Will we be okay? What it will be like? Will we get through this? Will he/she ever be happy and healthy? What will the doctor say?
The questions of life, the futures we can’t tell and these overwhelming unknowns can feel like suffocating death sometimes; and if we aren’t careful they become the dementors to our light.
Making us doubt ourselves.
Making us stumble and struggle.
Making us lose our way.
For me, there are a lot of unknowns. I don’t know if I will ever see Ever Upward in print. I don’t know if my message will reach others to help them on their journey of recovery. I don’t know if I will ever feel my true purpose fulfilled. I don’t know if my losses will ever be fully healed or worth it. I don’t know what it will be like to have my parents live with us for a while. I don’t know what my dad’s long term recovery looks like. I don’t know if I will find trust in my faith.
I don’t know… a lot.
And if I sit too long in these overwhelming unknowns my heart begins to race, my jaw clenches, my thoughts become sluggish and racing all at the same time and I begin to lose me. And when I lose me, I struggle to practice my self care, my happy and my recovery. And when I struggle to practice these things the only thing guaranteed to happen is more struggle, more numbing and the return of the old me.
So the only thing I know to do when the suffocating fog of overwhelming unknowns begins to descend upon me is to go back to the basics; sleep enough, eat right, exercise, color my mandalas, read, write, meditate.
I practice and I do in order to really get back to being and feeling. This is what works for me at least.
Because, this much I know is true:
If I work my recovery, practice self care and practice happy, I will be okay no matter what.
If I reach out for help and own my struggle it will not overtake and own me, and I will and can help others.
If I practice patience, all of the overwhelming unknowns will eventually become known; like it or not, they will come to be in exactly the way they are supposed to be.
Because, I know at least one thing for sure, if it isn’t okay it isn’t finished.
But, as I have also learned, sometimes we also have to reevaluate and redefine our okay, in other words we must always find our essence of ever upward.