|  Blog Post   |  To love hard, is to grieve hard.

To love hard, is to grieve hard.

Eleven.

Today two of our three, would be eleven.

For the first time in this journey, I had the thought, ???? ? ????? ????? ?????

It didn’t take long for my heart to beat into my throat with a resounding yes.

Is it weird to still feel a hole that something is missing even though they weren’t ever even really here?

Is it weird to still feel the longing yearn and wonder of who they would have been?

Is it weird to still feel the reorienting of my womanhood, my motherhood, our marriage, my life, and my legacy?

…eleven years later?

To love hard, is to grieve hard.

And when you dream of becoming parents (not to mention plan, pay, and poke your way to it through infertility treatments), you dream of entire lifetimes.

Which means you grieve a lifetime of could have beens, never will bes, and wonders.

When you live a life of grief and joy in every moment, you find ways to honor them.

And so, I share every year.

They’d be eleven.

I also share every time I teach.

Because the gift of them, and the loss of them, brought you me.

And because every single time I bring them with me, I have someone who stops me or messages me with a thank you because they struggled to conceive too or they lost a baby too. In the space of ???? ???????, ???? ????’? ????, ?? ?? ????, ??? ? ?? ???? I am met with a ?? ??? ??? ????? ???. Every single time.

Every. Single. Time.

I share them with you because it honors them and me.

I share them with you because you aren’t alone.

I share them with you because you know someone with a story of loss similar to mine.

I share them with you because they’re my babies, and they count too.

Author:

A Licensed Professional Counselor, Justine Froelker has over 25 years of experience in mental health, personal growth, and professional development. For eleven years, she was certified in Dr. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability, courage, and empathy. Justine now shares her own curriculum, Courage is Built Here™. This transformative program empowers individuals to live and lead with self-awareness, authenticity, and resilience, building a foundation for courage-centered leadership. In addition to writing her blog since 2013, Justine is an accomplished author of twelve books—including five Amazon bestsellers—Justine has written across genres, from children’s books to in-depth explorations of infertility, faith, grief, and leadership. She has delivered two TEDx Talks, The Permission of the And and The Donut Effect, which highlight her unique perspective on navigating life’s complexities with grace. Justine is a sought-after speaker who travels nationally and presents virtually to global audiences, delivering keynotes, workshops, retreats, and trainings on topics such as leadership, resilience, mental health, coping with burnout, courageous and curious conversations, and fostering cultures of inclusion and belonging. Justine lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad and their two dogs, Gertie and Winston. You’ll often find her volunteering at Wild Bird Rehabilitation—supporting the medical team and feeding hundreds of tiny, hungry babies during baby bird season. And during butterfly season, her home comes alive with the flutter of wings as she raises hundreds of monarch and swallowtail butterflies.

Comments:

  • February 21, 2025
    Purple Bloom

    Lovely sharing! I just kept on reading. To love is hard because it demands vulnerability, trust, and a deep emotional connection that can leave us exposed to pain. The intensity of love means that the loss of it, or the fear of losing it, can be equally overwhelming. Grief, on the other hand, is hard because it challenges the very essence of our being. It forces us to confront the absence of someone or something we cherished. The sorrow is often unpredictable, and healing can seem elusive. Both love and grief are profound experiences, shaping our lives, but they remind us of the depth of human connection. One can read grief quotes on https://soinspiring.com/grief-quotes-short/ to remind us that we are not alone in this journey.

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