|  Blog Post   |  A Mother of Dragons Reclaiming the Day 

A Mother of Dragons Reclaiming the Day 

A bereaved mother. A loss mother.

Not a mother at all.

A childless mother.

childfull mother.

A mother to many.

A mother of all mothers.

A mother of dragons.

These are the many titles I have been given since we ended our infertility journey without our children in our arms.

This Sunday will be the fourth Mother’s Day that I am woken up by a cold nose and pup cuddle and not burnt toast in bed with hand drawn cards. It will be the fourth Mother’s Day I will cry as I run my fingers over the black and white picture of our three embryos as the forever longing bubbles up to a sharp sting of grief.

And, it will be the first Mother’s Day in four years that I finally give myself permission to celebrate it myself.

Because I am all of the above titles and honors.

I am a mother.

This weekend I will give myself permission to cry looking at those eight cell embryos that are my children. I will give myself permission to wonder if they’d have Chad’s calmness or my passion, his blond hair or my freckles. I will give myself permission to be sad, angry and even a bit bitter.

And then I will take a breath to allow a tiny bit more space to open up and I will choose my joy, my gratitude and my trust.

My joy that through my motherhood I have become the most amazing version of myself and am sharing this light to help so many. My gratitude for the journey and that I was given my babies to begin with. My trust in His story for me and that I can find my place in it.

And then I will spend this glorious day celebrating all mothers, including myself, by doing my most favorite things.

I will sleep in.

I will color.

I will brave church, because it is my most favorite 70 minutes of the week usually.

I will lay on the patio in the sun with three dogs who love me more than anything.

I will check on my gardens and continue preparing them for the soon to arrive monarch butterflies.

I will write.

I will drink red wine with my toes in the pool.

I will thank my mom for everything she does for me and how she loves me.

I will walk my dogs while singing my music way too loud for anyone’s enjoyment.

I will look at my husband and thank him for getting me.

I will eat yummy food that will include my usually forbidden but delicious and warm gluten.

I will take a drive in my husband’s car with the t-tops off, the sun on my face and the wind blowing through my hair.

I will watch our favorite Sunday night shows with three dogs on my lap and my husband spoiling the plot because he always guesses right.

I will celebrate myself.

I pray you do too, children by your side or not, because we are mothers.



Justine is a Licensed Professional Counselor with more than 25 years of experience in traditional mental health and personal and professional development. Justine has been certified in the work of Dr. Brené Brown for ten years. Justine is the author of eleven books, including five Amazon bestsellers covering subjects such as infertility, faith, and grief. She has been honored to do two TEDx Talks, The Permission of the And and The Donut Effect. She travels nationally and presents virtually to global audiences delivering keynotes, workshops, retreats, and trainings on topics such as leadership, courage, resilience, mental health, preventing and coping with burnout, and courageous and curious conversation, especially in creating cultures of belonging and diversity, equity, and inclusion. Justine lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad, their three dogs, and for four months of the year hundreds of monarch and swallowtail butterflies.

Post a Comment:


Sign up to receive Justine's newsletter