May we all feel it all.

I can imagine you are tired.

Between the shopping, the parties, the concerts, and creating the magic, let alone that dang elf, if you are an elf family, I can imagine you are tired.

It’s a lot.

And it is a privileged joy.

You get to create the magic.

Magic that I will never get to see in their eyes.

I don’t need you to feel your tired and fatigue and then force your gratitude with an “at least I have kids.”

There is room for both the tired and the grateful.

It is there, especially in your gratitude, that I know you understand the gravity of what will never be for me.

I will never see the magic in their eyes as they prepare cookies for Santa and spread glitter in the yard for the reindeer. I will never see their eyes light up when I have figured out the perfect gift they didn’t even know they wanted. I will never experience their wonder and faith as we read Luke together.

Instead, I force dogs to pose for our holiday card, wear Christmas jammies for a whopping dreaded three minutes because it brings me great joy, and make little Winston be our elf for a minute to catch the shot.

May we all feel it all.

Tired and grateful.

Grief and joy.

It is there we turn toward one another, meet each other, and walk one another through it together.

Merry Christmas magic.