Episode 35: The Courage to Let Go of Who You Thought You’d Be

In this episode of Courage Is Built Here, Justine welcomes Dr. Clay Brigance to Pathway Five, Do the Work, for a conversation about infertility, identity, grief, and the courage required to move forward when life takes an unexpected turn.

Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Clay shares how his own infertility journey shaped his understanding of resilience, relationships, and emotional healing. Together, he and Justine explore the impact of shame, the importance of emotional attunement, and the ways difficult experiences can challenge the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

They also discuss communication during seasons of uncertainty, relationship dynamics under stress, and the role courage plays in continuing forward even when fear remains present. Throughout the conversation, they return to themes of humility, curiosity, connection, and the possibility of finding purpose through pain.

This episode is a powerful reminder that courage is not the absence of fear. Sometimes courage is allowing fear to ride in the passenger seat while you continue moving forward anyway. Whether you are navigating infertility, grief, disappointment, or a season that looks nothing like you expected, Clay offers practical wisdom and hope for staying connected to yourself, your values, and the people you love while doing the difficult work of healing.

Key Takeaways

• Pathway Five, Do the Work, includes reclaiming and rewriting the stories that shame has written over our lives.
• Infertility can create deep struggles around identity, worth, and belonging.
• Shame often convinces people they are broken, deficient, or the “weak link in the chain.”
• Humility was one of the strongest predictors of connection for couples navigating infertility.
• Curiosity helps bridge connection and serves as an antidote to shame.
• Emotional attunement and honest communication strengthen relationships during difficult seasons.
• Supportive relationships often require both a sail and an anchor.
• Fear does not have to disappear before you move forward.
• Courage means acknowledging fear, giving it a seat at the table, but refusing to let it drive.
• Painful experiences can become a source of purpose, healing, and service to others.
• Letting go of who you thought you would be can create space for a new story.

About the Guest

Dr. Clay Brigance is a psychologist, researcher, and founder of Shiloh Counseling in Ballwin, Missouri. After navigating his own infertility journey with his wife, Marjorie, Clay became passionate about understanding why some couples grow closer through reproductive trauma while others grow apart. His doctoral research studied more than 1,000 couples experiencing infertility and reproductive loss, leading to the development of the Four Pillars of Connection. Today, he specializes in reproductive grief and relationship counseling while helping couples build resilience, connection, and hope during some of life’s most difficult seasons. 

Connect with Clay:

Website: https://shilohcounselingllc.com/

Instagram: @dr_claybrigance