Ten years

This morning as I got ready, two mourning doves and a blue jay worked through some stuff in our holly tree right outside the window. Of course, the blue jay was pretty feisty and eventually staked its territory.

And it felt like a little nudge on the darkest day of the year and what is the last of our three embryos’ due date anniversaries.

Ten years.

It feels a bit like an ending.

Sure each year, I know the due dates will come, and I will remember, yearn, wonder, and grieve, knowing exactly how old they would be if they had met us here.

And there is some major, maybe even final, healing happening in this life, heart, and motherhood of mine.

This story of mine, of ours, has taken away, revealed, and gifted so much.

The darkness has hidden and held the light, all while the light always promised to be there on the other side. I only had to open my eyes and soften my heart enough to receive it.

This year you would have been ten.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.