|  Blog Post   |  Ten years

Ten years

This morning as I got ready, two mourning doves and a blue jay worked through some stuff in our holly tree right outside the window. Of course, the blue jay was pretty feisty and eventually staked its territory.

And it felt like a little nudge on the darkest day of the year and what is the last of our three embryos’ due date anniversaries.

Ten years.

It feels a bit like an ending.

Sure each year, I know the due dates will come, and I will remember, yearn, wonder, and grieve, knowing exactly how old they would be if they had met us here.

And there is some major, maybe even final, healing happening in this life, heart, and motherhood of mine.

This story of mine, of ours, has taken away, revealed, and gifted so much.

The darkness has hidden and held the light, all while the light always promised to be there on the other side. I only had to open my eyes and soften my heart enough to receive it.

This year you would have been ten.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.


Justine is a Licensed Professional Counselor with more than 25 years of experience in traditional mental health and personal and professional development. Justine has been certified in the work of Dr. Brené Brown for ten years. Justine is the author of eleven books, including five Amazon bestsellers covering subjects such as infertility, faith, and grief. She has been honored to do two TEDx Talks, The Permission of the And and The Donut Effect. She travels nationally and presents virtually to global audiences delivering keynotes, workshops, retreats, and trainings on topics such as leadership, courage, resilience, mental health, preventing and coping with burnout, and courageous and curious conversation, especially in creating cultures of belonging and diversity, equity, and inclusion. Justine lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad, their three dogs, and for four months of the year hundreds of monarch and swallowtail butterflies.

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