Grace still includes accountability.

Grace still includes accountability. So does love. And empathy. And trust.

When accountability is missing, it usually means I haven’t clearly said out loud what is okay and what is not okay for me with you. Which often leaves me holding onto judgment, resentment, and frustration because I’m letting you get away with something that isn’t okay with me. Except I never actually stated it. So how could I ever hold you accountable to it?

Without accountability, grace, love, empathy, and trust can slide into unhealthy places, like taking on responsibility for someone else’s life, doing for them what they must and can do for themselves. That can blur boundaries and move us into enabling instead of truly loving.

I can seek to understand your lived experience, believe you when you tell me it, and still not take it on for myself, try to save you from it, or even agree with it. Agreement or saving (a job already taken) are not true empathy.

I can believe that you are doing your best, and your best might still not be enough for me. If we’re in relationship, I must communicate that to you, give you the chance to do better, and see if you even want to. If not, the relationship probably changes. And sometimes, it may even have to end.

So many thoughts lately, more to come in tomorrow’s Courage Tuesday. I have a lot more to say.