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The Semantics 

The shamed ignorance is becoming more and more fragile. Our shamed stories are gaining more and more attention.

The shamed silence is breaking.

Infertility continues to see more and more media coverage:

As the discussion and the education (thank goodness) continue to grow surrounding infertility, the claim over certain semantics has also grown.

In particular, the semantics surrounding the terms childfree versus childless.

I have read many articles and blog posts and also been confronted myself on why my use of the term childfree is incorrect.

To some people, maybe even most, the term childfree describes those who have chosen to not have children or the childfree by choice group. Whereas, childless describes those of use who have tried but cannot have children.

However, I describe myself as childfree, and will continue to do so.

The subtitle of my upcoming book Ever Upward is Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life.

And yet, I desperately wanted children. I paid a lot of money to have children. And, I suffer lifelong losses from the journey I endured to have children.

I choose the term childfree over childless because I am not less of anything. I am not missing anything. I am not less of a woman because I cannot be a mother of the traditional sense. My life does not mean less than anyone else’s. I am not not whole because I cannot be a mother.

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My heart, my soul, my life are not missing pieces. They are simply scarred by three tiny souls. These soul scars have not left me lacking anything but rather have left me more whole. For I am a more loving, more compassionate, continually healing person because I so loved those three tiny souls and even more so because I lost them.

I choose the term childfree because I refuse to be identified as less than.

I choose the term childfree, yet childfull, because this is where I have found my continuing recovery.

And yet, there are days it doesn’t feel like a choice at all.

But I will continue to practice my recovery and choose my whole self and my whole story.

And, that is nothing less but really the true definition ever upward.

**I want to thank Adrie for taking the time to read and comment so thoughtfully on this post. She has made me completely rethink the term childfree and yet I am still not willing to use the term childless. So, I’m not sure where that leaves me but I can assure you I will find it. Maybe it is my term childfull or maybe I will just make up a new word. And, I’d love to hear your ideas! Thank you for joining me on this continually healing and messy journey!**

*To read more about my story and my recovery make sure to pick up a copy of the soon to be published Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life.*

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating ;), please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

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Author:

A Licensed Professional Counselor, Justine Froelker has over 25 years of experience in mental health, personal growth, and professional development. For eleven years, she was certified in Dr. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability, courage, and empathy. Justine now shares her own curriculum, Courage is Built Here™. This transformative program empowers individuals to live and lead with self-awareness, authenticity, and resilience, building a foundation for courage-centered leadership. In addition to writing her blog since 2013, Justine is an accomplished author of twelve books—including five Amazon bestsellers—Justine has written across genres, from children’s books to in-depth explorations of infertility, faith, grief, and leadership. She has delivered two TEDx Talks, The Permission of the And and The Donut Effect, which highlight her unique perspective on navigating life’s complexities with grace. Justine is a sought-after speaker who travels nationally and presents virtually to global audiences, delivering keynotes, workshops, retreats, and trainings on topics such as leadership, resilience, mental health, coping with burnout, courageous and curious conversations, and fostering cultures of inclusion and belonging. Justine lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad and their three dogs. You’ll often find her volunteering at Wild Bird Rehabilitation—supporting the medical team and feeding hundreds of tiny, hungry babies during baby bird season. And during butterfly season, her home comes alive with the flutter of wings as she raises hundreds of monarch and swallowtail butterflies.

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